I don't want your.... Photograph.

At first glance, you may look at this black on white collection of photo frames and think... wow, where's all the color? This is dreary.

But in the words of rock ancients:

Huh!

Photograph... I don't want your
Photograph... I don't need your
Photograph... All I've got is a photograph, but its not enough

If you still feel like seeing Def Leppard in concert, you are lucky - they are still touring.

In the meantime, regardless of what past you may be trying to hide or showcase, these nifty set of frame sure brings things to life in a hurry. Only at Red Envelope.

I am a Red Hot Baby Orchid

Ahhh.  It may sound like the title of a new Gwen Stefani song, but it conjures visions of the swank luxury of a 5 star suite, or a red Lamborgaini as it creeps out of the million dollar homes in LA.

Needless to say, this little plant packs a punch. I am self-admittedly not a flower person, nor do I enjoy gardening or anything like that (although  I do like fresh fruit), but this is a plant that I would buy and proudly showcase on the end-table in my living room.   

You may ask why.

• It looks really cool
• It has a green powder type of base that I find strangely attractive
• It looks vaugley like a duck, and I used to raise ducks one winter with some friends in Minneapolis when they had nowhere else to go. 

Bottom line though – a very cool and sexy plant, for both guys and girls – it make me want to go see that movie The Spirit.

Nurturing your true Love-Hate relationship.

Guys like to play golf because:

A – They think that they actually good at it. You are good only if you can beat this 12 year-old girl, who is on-track to make more money than Lebron James

B – They need something to spend abnormal amounts of money on and to complain about before and after for the next month

C – Golf is a great excuse for day drinking, as beer is proven to be a natural performance enhancer. Co-incidentally, this can also exponentially increase the fun of parallel activities such as golf carts, heckling your buddies, reshaping nonperforming clubs, and maintaining your balance.

Anyway - regardless of why you are playing to win, playing to play, or playing to drink, you will need a set of clubs. And why not honor your long-standing tradition of missing putts, bogeying par 3s, and slicing the ball at every opportunity by getting some engraved golf club links from Red Envelope for your clubs.

Let’s face it. Those clubs you spent your last month’s paycheck on are probably not going to help you as much as promised – if any. So if you’re trying to get a stand-out set, why not opt for the other end of the club and go with these.

At least they won’t get lost – unless you pack like you drive.

Enjoy!

Valentine's Gifts: Stupidly Simple Guide for Men

Men are paralyzed by the thought of buying gifts for women. We knuckle-draggers have no idea what to do. If you're in a bind and don’t know what to give to your special someone for Valentine’s Day, then you’ve come to the right place.

We suggest that you get a little adventurous and shop at RedEnvelope. Follow our playbook and you’ll have 3 romantic, sexy, & fun gifts to make this holiday great… and all for around $125.

1. Start with chocolate to massage her senses and delight her soul. Ok – liquor is quicker, but chocolate is a nice way to start out a romantic evening. Prince Frog Chocolates combines the charm of the holiday with some unique sweets. I’d mention how you have matured from a lowly frog into her adored prince or some such… $34.95

2. Onto something fun to liven up the night. We have a playful way to get closer to her. Pewter Get-Lucky Dice – with a roll of the dice, you will be given step by step instructions on how to spice up foreplay. Without foreplay, you get no play. This is a solid investment. $34.95

3. Bling for your encore to melt her heart and express your love (or lust). We suggest that you select appropriately, based on your situation.

Friends with benefits ......... Friendship Leaf Necklace $69.95
Have cash, will spend ........ Diamond Eternity Necklace $149.95

Gentlemen, we’ve made gifting for Valentine’s mind-numbingly easy. Our guide sets the mood, starts the romantic interlude, and leads you to the land of milk and honey.

*** If you are light on cash but want to have do something special, then here's what you put together for around $50:

- Buy $19.99 Roses from ProFlower
- Get some Chocolate Body Frosting $29.95
- Pick up a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck ... use your imagination.

Good luck!

What would Leon Phelps do for Valentine's Day

I have a feeling that Valentine's Day has special meaning for Leon Phelps - "The Ladies Man". A connoisseur of all things relating to fine liquor, romance, and women with curves, he is an American Icon.

Moreover, he has inspired a generation to be better lovers and appreciate all versions of the female form. As you might recall, Leon aimed his the lionshare of his affection towards Ms. Delta Burke.

Leon is also known for dispensing great lovemaking advice and usually centering romantic interludes around sipping his coveted Courvoisier. However, I have a feeling that he would be willing to substitute his Courvoisier for Chocolate Body Frosting at RedEnvelope.

If you need to spice things up with your partner, then applying this edible chocolate body art should do the trick. This is perfect for Valentine's Day and retails for $30. There are G, PG, and R-rated versions of the body frosting. (maybe not)

To quote Leon: "Um, yeah... that's gooood!!". Pick up some body frosting by clicking here.

Mojo Appreciated

"Where did my mojo go?"

Have you ever asked yourself that? Or maybe you woke up one morning, and you realized that you've almost forgotten how to have fun...

You know that's more true for some of us than for others, but one thing is for sure - you CAN forget to have fun. Sometimes you need to inject a heavy level dose of romance into your relationship.

Well, if you've got somebody to play with, then these Get Lucky Dice are a great choice for Valentine's Day. Maybe get a couple bottles of wine to go along with it. I've never played personally, but these things just sound fun. Click here for some fun.

Chocolate fortune cookies - romance in a sweet.

Gentlemen - if you have an adventurous spirit, and you like Chinese tradition, and you need a great Valentine's day gift, then you're in luck. Depending on what cookie you crack, these Chocolate Fortune Cookies make a great gift for your sweetie.

From the Red Envelope website - "Your love life is about to take a turn for the interesting". Who doesn't want that? Love is like a river that needs to be navigated... you don't know where the waterfalls are, they just kind of show up... fortunately for you, RedEnvelope brings those waterfall moments to you in a nicely wrapped box so that you don't have to wait.

Aren't you excited, ha ha.

But on a genuine note, these really are pretty cool, and a great buy for the price (They sell for $25). It's classy, original, and probably most importantly, engaging.

Ok, so your girlfriend probably wants a Tiffany's bracelet, but these can make for a good time. A great combination of chocolate, good fortune, and a little who-knows-what.

And for the girls - this is dangerous in your hands... I'm not sure I can sanction you buying it.

There's a new Gecko in town

There is a crowned frog prince selling at RedEnvelope; it's an interesting item. I'm not sure why somebody wants this, and what would they do with it once they got it?

However, it's one of the best sellers at RedEnvelope, and while I don't exactly know why, it definitely is... hmmm.

I can understand why the ladies would like it... it conjures visions of turning a frog into a presentable guy, etc., so this might make a great gift for your girl.

In the meantime, here are some alternative uses I've come up with:

• paper weight
• a small projectile for throwing at things
• a magnifying glass-like sun reflector to start a fire if you are ever lost in the wilderness...
• a bizzare piece of decoration that that would confuse/amuse many who see it
• an interesting log decoration, if you pound it in permanently with a sledge hammer

One thing can sure be said about this metallic expression of frog love around this time of year - like the Geico gecko - nobody saw it coming...

If you're feeling like you love this frog already, get it here.

RedEnvelope Valentine's Day - Frog Prince

Couple's Table Topics

What do you miss most about being single?

"Hmmm. Ummm... being single?" As long as you have better answers than this, these Couple's Table Topics game is a cool way to get to know your girl/guy a little bit better.

Wait! These also make a great gift for you're family - they have a family version that asks questions about favorite vacations, etc. - great ways to stir the old memory pot with the mom, dad, sibs, kids, or 2nd relations... at just $24 they are a great way to kick-start some conversation.

I highly recommend this game.

Assorted Hand-Dipped Strawberries - $39.95

Hungry?

I am. I'm always hungry. And while I like to keep it healthy, its tough not to indulge sometimes...

Have you seen these hand-dipped chocolate strawberries at RedEnvelope? I used to work at Dairy Queen, and while chocolate dipped ice cream cones seem to have faded over the last decade or so, these are certainly reminiscent. Unlike ice cream cones, these strawberries are more healthy and taste better, depending on how much of a sweet tooth you have.

From the Red Envelope website - "These incredible, mouthwatering fruits are sure to have the crowds oohing and ahhing". Now, I'm not sure if there will be crowds where you are eating these, but there's a good chance you might attract one.

Add flowers and these strawberries, and you have the perfect gift for Valentine's Day.
Get them here.

Wine Fillled Truffles - $24.95

Wine filled chocolates - what a great idea.

I was recently watching football with a girl, drinking some beer, and eating some chili, and I forget what we were talking about. I'm not even sure how she got on the topic, but at one point, she distincly said, "If guys knew how far red wine and chocolates go with girls...". I'm not quite sure why this registered with me, but it did.

Anyway - if you're a guy and your reading this, you probably get the gist - get your girl some wine and chocolates this V-Day. And just because its way easier and way cooler than getting them separatly at a store, buy them in combination (literally, combined) at Red Envelope here.

Chocolates with wine inside - like she said, they go far.